We all do fat shit.
Embrace it.
A comedian named Correy Bell does a bit that I love, where she explains that she’s not mad at her son for being fat, she’s mad that her son does “fat shit.” (Video NSFW, but well worth the watch if you can.)
Ever since watching Ms. Bell’s stand-up, “fat shit” has become part of our family’s vocabulary. We now point it out every time one of us does something that gives food way more power than it should have.
My husband cannot find any item in our home, despite living with me for over 35 years. He has no idea where we keep anything. However, if I buy any treat for myself, no matter how well I hide it, he will find it and inevitably wander into the living room asking, “Is this for me?” No, dude, it’s for me. That’s why it was hidden in the back of the pantry. If you could find the Advil sitting right in front of your face as easily as you find my hidden Oreos, we’d all be living better lives. That’s fat shit.
We’ve been known to talk about what we’re having for our next meal while we are eating the current meal. That’s some fat shit.
My daughter and I purposely only get a small portion of frozen yogurt when we go to those froyo shops with all the toppings, so we can get mostly toppings and not fill up on yogurt. That is absolutely some fat shit.
You can do fat shit even if you’re skinny, and I think everyone does it. Do any of these feel familiar?
You find a receipt from a family member’s meal that they ate without you and get jealous.
You get the same milkshake after every dentist appointment “because your teeth hurt.”
You repeatedly talk about how full you are after dinner, then ask about a little something sweet.
When you have really good restaurant leftovers for lunch the next day, you eat lunch at 10am.
You’re secretly happy when your bananas go bad, because then you can make banana bread.
DoorDash sent you an end of the year summary like a Spotify Wrapped.
A local eatery has given you something for free “just for being such a good customer.”
You’ve eaten shredded cheese straight out of the bag in front of the fridge.
You’ve heard a bag of chips open from 2 rooms away and it caught your attention.
You’ve read the restaurant menu in the car on the way there so you can order faster once you’re seated.
You’ve packed more hotel snacks than clothes when you go on vacation.
Never be ashamed of your fat shit. It just means you find joy in food, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Drop your fat shit in the comments (I hear how funny that sentence is…let’s be mature and rise above it, shall we?)